Relationships are complicated because sometimes they make you happy and content while other times you feel distressed and uncomfortable due to them. A friend who spends time with you and listens to what you say will make you feel loved. But someone who nags you and says mean things to you will make you feel down. Because relationships can increase or decrease your emotional well-being on severely opposite spectrums, who you spend time with is incredibly important. Sometimes you get caught up in a situation where you have fun with someone but at times you feel uncomfortable around them– these upcoming “things to look for and avoid” are especially for those relationships. 

As someone who is bubbly and extroverted, Sophomore Maxine Baker has had way more than just a dab in relationship experiences. 

“I think me being such an outgoing person makes it a lot easier to communicate with others and find out who they really are. I work best with people who are positive, hardworking, and kind to others, [so] I try to see green [and red] flags and what type of person they are before I judge whether or not they’re a good fit for my life.”

Baker shared three “green flags” in a relationship as well as three “red flags” she recommends looking out for. 

Trust

Among the three “green flags” was Trust.

“I think one of the most important things when having a relationship with anybody is implementing trust because without trust, there is no foundation,” she said. 

Baker explained that if you are able to believe someone and take what they say as the truth, your friendship has a bright future.

“Your relationship is probably gonna go a lot smoother, [get into] fewer arguments, and both parties [would be] much happier. 

Effort

Next on the list was Effort.

Baker said, “[Effort] is a green flag because when someone puts in effort into any relationship, it shows the other person that they truly do want it. Effort’s just kind of like that little step forward of clarification that you actually do care about someone and [want] to know them a little bit better.”

Time

There is not much Effort without Time, so Time was the third “green flag” Baker said to look out for. 

“I feel like once two people are able to [spend time] together and feel like the other person is important enough to set something aside for them, it makes the other person feel a lot more valued,” Baker said. 

To Baker, the quality of Time is what crafts a strong bond between people. 

“When [you are] given time to get to know someone or spend time with them, [that supports] a really big jump from being acquaintances to being [lifelong friends],” Baker said. “I feel like any relationship would deteriorate if you both didn’t have time for each other.”

Following the list of things you should seek in a relationship, Baker shared her top three things to avoid. 

Manipulation

One of them was Manipulation. 

Baker said, “I feel like manipulation is one of the first things that break a relationship. When one is manipulated, they’re [pushed to believe] something that probably isn’t the truth.”

A relationship should not be controlled by one person but rather a balance of understanding. 

“So when someone is using mental manipulation on someone, it just kind of takes away that partnership and it could take away your dignity because you feel like you’re being controlled,” Baker said. 

Fixing

Another major red flag to watch out for was when someone tries to “Fix” the other person. 

“If you’re born a certain way, no one should have to change you. You should always be yourself,” Baker said. “If you can’t be yourself around them then that’s when you know it’s probably not going to work out.”

Narcissism

The last but not least red flag Baker pointed out was Narcissism. 

“Narcissism is a very selfish lack of empathy–– like an inflated ego type of trait. [A Narcissist] thinks they’re always right [and] that the other person is the one that’s doing wrong.” Baker said.

Being friends with someone who constantly blames you because they think that they are right can only result in an unhealthy relationship. 

“I would think that [the friend of the narcissist] would feel extremely belittled. They feel like they have no voice. They feel like they’re being shut down.”

Baker advises that if you find yourself in a situation with a narcissist who won’t ever understand your point of view, you should find someone who will. She also implies that if anyone is giving off these red flags, seek out someone who displays the green. 

“ If you’re thinking that they are not going to change, then try to eliminate yourself from the situation and [find] yourself someone who is willing to take down the world for you.”