Depending on where you are in your life, you may hope that this will go one way or another, but here is the honest truth: No, exes cannot be friends and you know why, but I’ll go ahead and tell you anyway. There is only one reason why you want to keep him/her/them in your phone: for the possibility of your relationship to occur again. You can deny it all you want, but deep down you knew that if that person came crawling back, you’d say yes. 

There are some exceptions of course. The timing of the breakup does come into the picture. If you and your partner broke up a year ago and start becoming friends again over time, knowing and admitting that you don’t work as a couple, there is a high chance that you can stay friends and it won’t be weird or awkward. Or if you thought it was a good idea to date your best friend and when you realized that it didn’t work, go back to being friends. Whatever the case may be, I urge you to continue with caution. 

Here are a few signs that you aren’t ready to be friends with your ex:

1. You are still feeling hurt or angry
2. You get upset when your ex is brought up
3. Getting unsettling feelings if your ex is dating again
4. Fantasizing about getting back together
5. Feeling lonely
6. Stalking their social media
7. Waiting for them to change

Really ask yourself why you want to be friends with that ex. If your answer consists of: wanting the breakup not to hurt as much, keeping them as a backup plan, working or going to the same school, or there is trust established and you don’t want to lose them as a person, those are valid reasons, but you will be okay in every single hypothetical situation that you come up with without your ex. Trust yourself and trust the breakup. Don’t be friends with your ex.

XOXO,

erika kolseth