I am afraid of new things. 

I always have been, and I always will be, in a way. 

Whether the new things would lead to a fear of failure or a fear of disappointing others. As a kid, I would do everything I could to stay in my comfort zone—if that comfort were to go away though, I would lose my mind—normally in the form of tears.

When I was younger, I wasn’t forced to eat things I didn’t want to, I grew up in a small school with the same 60 kids in my grade for 9 years. I wasn’t forced to stay in sports, quitting the ones I didn’t like and sticking with the things I did enjoy. All lasted until my freshman year, the first year I would get majorly forced out of my comfort zone.

My freshmen year was (for lack of a better word) a dumpster fire – I was scared of everything and anything. 

In my first semester, I had no friends because I was scared of what people would think of me, and I was cut from the only sport that I thought I was good at. 

When that happened I was devastated, and I thought that I would never be good at or join any other sport ever again due to my fear of failing at something else, leading to my parents forcing me into things. Many of their attempts were futile, for I knew what I liked and the sport did like was unavailable to me. I let that fear of new control me for a long time.

Until I joined the color guard. 

Color guard is a mostly unknown sport that most people don’t even think is a sport, was one of the major turning points of my freshmen year. The guard was always in the back of my mind, but I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it because I had tried out for this other sport. I went all over the place trying to learn how to join the color guard: I went to the band directors, I emailed the coaches, I talked to already existing guard members, and I even got the guard captain’s number. I learned that at the very end of my freshmen year, when the first guard clinic took place I made it on the team. At this point, I was still VERY afraid of it, but I was way too deep. 

So I stuck with it. 

It was a struggle my first guard season, I literally cried every single day of band camp because I was afraid of it. As the guard season went on though, my love for it grew. I remember back in my first guard season I swore I wouldn’t join Winterguard because I was afraid, but now look at me, I’m on the Varsity Winterguard team. The newness of it all freaked me out at the start, and I just could not deal with it all – one day during band camp I cried 4 times.

You’d probably think that’s silly—because it is. I’m emotional, and whether my emotions are embarrassing or not, they get me going along. Sometimes you just need a little cry to get over something, whether that’s color guard, a pasta sauce, a newspaper camera, a necklace, running a mile, meeting new people, or just something new. We can do it, whether your fears tell you you can or can’t.