Often referred to as “helicopter parents,” some parents believe the best way to protect their child is to take tight control of every factor in their child’s life so they can vet it as suitable.
At home, parents could choose to implement strict parental controls on personal devices, remove bedroom doors so they can make sure the child is behaving, or develop strict processes to ensure friends are a good influence.
Control over the child’s social and academic lives, “hand holding,” preventative measures and damage control are all examples of sheltering a child — when done in excess.
Children who were overly sheltered throughout their lives often have a lack of social skills, feel unprepared for adult life and have issues surrounding independence.
Parental controls are common on children’s personal devices. It keeps them from getting themselves into dangerous situations and prevents them from exposure to things that are inappropriate for their age.
Typically, these start to be loosened and eventually removed entirely throughout the child’s high school years. A sheltered child, however, is likely to have them stay the same or even get stricter as they grow up, as the parent continues to try to keep them in a designated sphere of influence.
Coming into adulthood, children who never knew anything but strict control over their technology and internet usage have no idea how to navigate it safely and responsibly.
They’re largely unaware of the dangers that exist on the internet and often fall prey to them due to their ignorance.
When parents actively teach their children how to navigate a digital world — rather than shielding their children from that world until they’re 18 — they’re preparing the child for a life of interaction with technology and the internet.
Similarly, sheltered children see little to no freedom in their daily lives. Helicopter parents often feel that the best way to ensure their child’s success is to enact a strict regimen of activities they feel will be beneficial, regardless of input or results from the child themself.
These children often struggle with time management and social skills when they reach adulthood. They’re so used to having their time structured for them that they don’t know how to manage it themselves.
Strict childhood schedules often leave children too busy or stressed to develop friendships, so when they reach adulthood they don’t know how to interact with people. Typically, they develop one of two social patterns: codependency or counterdependency.
Some children who had social lives dominated by a parent grow up to be codependent adults. They get unhealthily attached to people, and it can put them in danger of forming toxic relationships.
On the other hand, some become counterdependent, where they’re independent to a fault. They struggle to become close with anyone, and this leads them to lack meaningful relationships throughout adulthood.
Of course, parents need to protect their children. That’s their job. However, control is not protection — it’s nearly the opposite.
A parent who wants to make sure their child is well-rounded without controlling them might enroll their children in activities when they’re young and establish the rule that they’re not forced to continue — they just have to finish out the season. This ensures the children have control over their activities and time, while still letting the parent add enough structure for the child to develop the best they can.
Children with strict parents often end up being more rebellious than children who had parents who were more relaxed.
In order to live without their parents as adults, children need to be taught how to interact with the world and build a life for themselves.
